OK Beyonce, he’s had enough.
I’ve found that a common motif in getting older, especially from a man’s perspective, is constantly coming to grips with all the explicitly dumb shit that you’ve done over the course of your life. Sure, sleeping with women who I wouldn’t touch now without wearing a hazmat suit, the plethora of avoidable fist fights that I’ve engaged in, having sex at my father’s wake - all of these cringe-worthy flashbacks even make an insufferable asshole like myself wince every now and then. But my most noteworthy act of stupidity involves a woman named Samantha, introduced to me by my friend Je’Nein about a decade and a half ago. Samantha was from New Jersey by way of the Bahamas, was brilliant, beautiful, statuesque, caring, funny - and for some reason she liked my goofy writing ass in the mid-90’s. Looking back, despite the wonderful aforementioned qualities,(I forgot to mention that she took care of me when I was sick once) - I specifically seem to remember concocting innovative ways to dodge her advances. A fact that absolutely baffles my mind right now. It’s baffling because as a single man who has dated his fair share of nutjobs, sociopaths, and garden variety emotional baggage handlers - lets just say that I’m the unequivocal expert on what wifey material looks like. And that’s Samantha. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t at least check out Samatha’s facebook page at least once a month with a hint of melancholy, happy that she has such a lovely family, but at the same time wanting to kick my 21 year old self squarely in the nuts. Which brings me to Beyonce’s “Best thing I never Had" video.
Let me start by saying that I have no particular beef with Beyonce. While I can’t categorize myself as a fan, I sincerely think that she is a lovely girl and I wish her nothing but the best. That said, its an understatement of grand proportions to say that I take issue with her song “Best thing I never Had”. First off, if the song’s intent is anything like the video, Beyonce is talking shit about a guy who mistreated her way back in High School. Really? Talk about kicking a guy when he’s down. One thing Mrs. Carter should recognize, the next time she sings that song to a jam packed stadium, is that the guy she’s singing about has been living an abysmal existence for the last decade and change. That scrawny teenage girl that he decided to carelessly toss aside happened to grow up to become one of the most recognizable faces in the world, a multi-millionaire, an international endorsement machine, and married to Jay-Z for Christs sakes. Not too many of us are haunted for the rest of our lives by decisions we make when we’re 17, but this guy surely is. Just imagine how tired his friends are of hearing drunken “I dated Beyonce back in the day" stories. In an utterly feeble attempt to cope with the financial behemoth he once disregarded, just imagine all the girls he dated subsequently that in some way looked like Beyonce. If he’s married, I’m sure the Beyonce conversations have wrought havoc on his relationship something awful. Not for nothing, but if you ask me this guy has been through enough - and I just feel that this song is just crushing the remaining soul out of an already pathetic existence. I mean, the woman that I wish I never disregarded(Samantha) is not a millionaire, and she didn’t sing for the President and the First lady - so I can just imagine what the brother is going through. Beyonce, for Christs sake, do you have any decency? He’s had enough.