Listen, I say a lot of wild shit on twitter, I acknowledge this. But the problem with saying outlandish things on that particular social media platform is that people tend to think that you’re kidding when you couldn’t be more serious. For example, I relayed to my twitter followers that I told my therapist that I only have “fear of death" panic attacks when I masturbate. Sure, it got some chuckles, but it happened to be the absolute truth. (I’ve have indeed, on more than one occasion, ran out of the room with my dick in my hand while hyperventilating as Jazmine Cashmere gave the performance of a lifetime on my computer screen.) Another true story that people thought was just me trying to be funny was the time I inserted my very unimpressive penis inside of a woman in the bathroom at my father’s wake.(I was in desperate need of consoling.) Again, people thought that an incident that forced my sweet mother to momentarily interrupt her sobbing just to say “Boy, why do you smell like pussy?" was made up out of thin air. Again, that happened.
But the one story people really have a hard time believing is that I lost my virginity to the Public Enemy song “Welcome to the Terrordome”. (Read more here)